Is Compassion Our Purpose?
A Primer and Four Short Stories
Introduction
I’ve been exploring the idea of purpose for a couple of weeks. I’m not entirely sure I believe we have a singular purpose. I’m inclined to believe we have a shared purpose. But who knows, I could have an epiphany tomorrow and think about this in an entirely different way. For now though, this is what I’m feeling.
I’ll share four short non-fiction stories at the bottom of this post. As I drafted this post I thought about times in my life when I felt ‘on purpose’. These are rare occurrences in my life, but they’re infrequency isn’t what makes them exceptional. They’re exceptional because in these stories I sense a hidden truth.
My family and I have other ‘Compassion Stories’ to share, maybe we’ll share those some time.
I’m not going to be sharing any stories about times when I lacked compassion, that would take too long, wouldn’t it? Also, it’s so normal it isn’t memorable.
What is ‘Purpose’?
Purpose (noun): the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists.1
What is your purpose?
I am honestly curious to know what you think, but first, I’m going to present an idea because I’d like to promote some healthy psychological grappling.
Your purpose is NOT: career, success, survival, destiny, or prosperity. Is it? It seems to me that we rip everything apart looking for our purpose and overlook the ‘purpose’ staring us in the face, and I’m not talking about the face you see in the mirror. What if I’m your purpose, and you’re mine?
What if we share a purpose to cultivate inner peace in those around us through compassion?
Peace (noun): freedom from disturbance; tranquility.2
Compassion (noun): sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it.3
Cultivating inner peace in others through compassion does not necessarily mean to live a life of service. Being part of a larger altruistic organization is not a requirement, altruism and compassion are not always aligned.
Life is composed of moments. I have no idea what length of time defines a moment. But when we are in a moment, don’t we know? We can sense it and we can sense when it’s over.
In moments live unmet needs; soil for suffering. But, if in the moment, we are conscious of the needs of others and we meet those needs, then in that moment, we are peacemakers.
If you feel impelled to show compassion, don’t rationalize yourself out of it. In that moment you were called to sow peace.
We do not have the ability to create lasting peace in others, but compassion is medicine for the moment, not eternity. We focus on fulfilling needs, because we can’t fix people, but compassion brings peace; and a peaceful person heals faster than a person in anguish.
Inner peace can be cultivated in others through the smallest deeds, you do not have to ‘make an impact’, just fulfill a need. You may not get an after action report detailing all the ways your compassion improved a life, but it’ll still feel good. In a really wholesome, uplifting, and lasting way. So there is something in it for you after all.
The only reason compassion would feel good is if we were designed to be compassionate.
Here are a few questions I have on Compassion and Purpose.
Questions on Compassion
How do you talk about compassion at home?
How do you model compassion for others in your life?
When and where is it hard for you to be compassionate?
Questions on Purpose
Do you believe there is such a thing as ‘Purpose’?
What is your purpose?
What’s the point of our talents and skills?
Does one ‘accomplish’ their purpose, or do you live with it, once you find it?
Disclaimer: As I wrote these stories I realized the high level of risk associated with my compassionate acts. How you show compassion needs to feel right for you. Lean into discernment, we can’t control everything but try to stay safe!
Short Story 1: A Heavy Lift
I don’t remember what day of the week it was, I only know it was a weekday because I was on my way home from work. My brain was a bit foggy as was usually the case when I left work, so it felt good to be outdoors. I took a left on E St. NW and turned right on the corner of 11th and E, and that’s when I saw him. A very large incoherent homeless man struggling to cross a street filled with busy pedestrians and motorists.
By the time I reached him he was lying down in the road. I stopped, looked around and realized this wasn’t an issue anyone else was going to address. We didn’t have much of a conversation, I obligatorily asked if he needed help, he wasn’t really in a state to clearly answer, but I took it on faith, and proceeded to assist.
In those days I wore a backpack to work. It was part of the ‘uniform’. Dress shoes, dress pants, dress shirt, backpack, haha the public transportation commuter ‘uniform’. My backpack wasn’t too heavy, but the man I helped was very heavy and I could feel the extra weight from my bag. It took us forever to get to the opposite side of the street; some steps I dragged him, and some steps I supported him.
When we reached the other side the man just laid on his back on the sidewalk. I saw a police officer, flagged him down and explained the situation. The first thing he did was put gloves on, and I thought ‘uh, maybe I should have done that…’.
I left them there and continued my commute home. I have no idea how that man’s story ended, but in that moment I met his need for support.
To this day that story makes me feel better than any work product I’ve ever produced.
Short Story 2: A Lonely Traveler
I was staying with my mom while I waited for some paperwork to process, after that I’d be moving to start a new job. She needed me to run to the store for something, and I just left the house. It was hot, this part of the country is always hot in the summer and can potentially be unsafe under certain conditions. It was the middle of the day and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky.
I made a right on Chumukla Hwy., and that’s when I saw him. A gentleman walking in my direction down the side of the road trying to carry something that was clearly far too heavy for him to carry. As I approached I thought about how to respond to this invitation. ‘He needs help, but he’s also a stranger walking down the side of the road’, an honest conundrum.
When I reached him I decided I would help. I rolled my car window down and said, “can I help you?” He very quickly responded, “I’d love a lift…” (so we’re doing this). First I helped him load the very large piece of metal he was carrying into my car trunk. He got in the passenger seat and gave me directions to his house. On the way to his house he explained that his car had broken down and he’d just retrieved a piece to fix it. As we spoke, the tension I held slowly melted, he was a genial guy, a little rough around the edges, but genuine.
His house was only about a ½ mile from where we met, but it probably would have taken him 2 hours to make the trip. When we got him home he thanked me for the lift and explained how helpful it had been. We unloaded his equipment, shook hands, and said goodbye.
I never saw that man again, I hope he got his transportation issues sorted.
To this day I’m happy I was able to save him a few hours and a lot of stress.
Short Story 3: A Place to Stay
I went to visit my brother and it was an extended trip, I was still waiting on that paperwork to process ( it took a while!). My brother lived near the beach, so it was a great place to pass the time.
We decided to get lunch out, I don’t remember where, maybe Smoothie King? Anyway, that’s when we saw her. A young lady down on her luck. I can’t remember how it happened, but she told me her story and my impression was things are going terribly for you. If you don’t get some help now, you’ll go from marginalized to serious trouble.
So I did what any sane person would do, and offered up my brother’s home as a safe haven. I know, how crazy! Also, how boorish of me to extend an offer I had no right to extend. My brother and his roommates were actually very welcoming.
She stayed there a few weeks, maybe a month. Saved up money, found a new place to stay, and seemed to benefit from the temporary shelter. I never saw her again, but my brother tells me he saw her a few years back and she has two children now.
I’m glad we were able to help her out and I hope all is well.
Short Story 4: An Unexpected Visitor
We were all on vacation in Florida. We rented a condominium in a fairly large complex. We were in the kitchen and living room raucously playing Nintendo Switch, and goofing around. I was just leaving the bedroom when I heard a knock on the door. I ran over to open it and no one was there. Initially I thought how could anyone ding-dong ditch us that fast. I was bewildered and a little impressed. I closed the door and started walking back to the living room.
Knock-Knock
Another knock, impossible. I ran to the door to open it again, I looked left, I looked right, there was no one in the hallway. I started to leave the condo and I bumped into something. Well, it was actually a ‘someone’. This little two year old, the height of my knee, stood outside our door. I just stared at her thinking ‘what are you doing here?’, she appeared to read my mind, said “mama”, and busted in the condo. So obviously, I asked my mom to do something, haha. I was freaked out.
My mom and I tried to get her to lead us to her room. We knocked on doors, and I nervously thought, ‘how will we know the people we return her to, are her people?’ you know? We couldn’t find anyone who knew this child. So we brought her back to our condo. I introduced her to my kids and told them to look after her while we thought of a plan.
We settled on this plan. My mom and I would stay with the children. My oldest son, brother, and wife would look for her family on the complex. My son took a picture of her and off they went. This next part is how the story was recapped to me:
We started walking around and then we saw a condo with tons of people. There was a kid on a cellphone out front so we asked, ‘are you all missing a child?’. They said no, but the kid wasn’t really paying attention. So we asked ‘are you sure?’, again they said, “yes we’re sure, everyone is here”. So I showed them the picture, ‘do you know her?’. “Yes!” Frantic searching ensues, everyone starts asking if anyone has seen the little girl. Everyone thought she was still in the condo.
The mother rushed into our condo, disoriented and very stressed. Grabbed her daughter and all but ran out of there; I can’t even imagine how scared she must have felt.
Apparently the little girl followed her older cousins out of their condo and ended up taking a different turn. They went back and never noticed she was gone. They were staying on the ground floor, our condo was on the 4th or 5th floor.
Somehow miraculously she ended up on our doorstep. We saw them the next morning during check out and exchanged pleasantries. We never saw them again after that, but I’m so thankful we were at the condo and could hear her little tiny knock.
We didn’t search out this opportunity to show compassion, it found us. I’ll never see that family again, but I’m really happy we could be there for them in a time of need.
Oxford Languages Dictionary
Oxford Languages Dictionary
Merriam Webster Dictionary
For quite some time my understanding of purpose has been the same and it actually lies in the definition – "the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists". I think it's different for everyone, for we have different reasons for which we choose to keep existing.
Some do it out of a sense of obligation or they feel like they don‘t have a say in this matter, therefore they also feel obliged to find the purpose that is given from above. Giving away the authority. Others actively choose life and create their purpose. From what I read, it seems you have also created yours.
I think I'll borrow "purpose" as my P word for the challenge I'm doing if you don't mind :) It sparked so many ideas! But the main is the question "What is the reason I choose life?". Mine is actually quite silly and simple.
We must be tapping into the same frequencies of thought. First peace, now purpose! My next article is about purpose and less about compassion (although someone else is VERY compassionate to me in it and it opened my eyes to a whole new perspective).
I have come to the conclusion that my purpose in life is multifaceted and hierarchical in nature. I have a main purpose and then subsequent purposes that are birthed out of the main and so on and so forth until I find purpose in buttering my toast or loading the dish washer. My highest order being to submit in love to God. My second is to be a wife and mother. My third is to work.