Past Commitment to Devotion
and a few tips to get there
Introduction
I was looking through an old notebook earlier this week and I saw a diagram I drew up exploring the differences between commitment and devotion. Have you ever thought about the differences between these two words? When I think about these words I think about relationships. Both commitment and devotion are important characteristics of healthy relationships. But, I feel there’s a distinct difference between the two.
When I contemplate commitment I feel logic, calculation, will power, and resolve. Commitment is a conscious choice, you can choose it regardless of circumstance through fatigue, and through pain. But commitment is cold, and over time cold things get brittle and break, or they remain constricted to retain warmth. Cold, brittle, and closed, but survivable. Commitment is how I would describe the way our society sometimes portrays marriages as business arrangements. Warmer relationships integrate a more vibrant form of loyalty called devotion.
When I contemplate devotion I feel magnetism, instinct, automaticity, and adaptation. Devotion isn’t a choice, it’s a response. You don’t choose to be devoted, it’s cultivated. Devotion is flexible, warm, welcoming, and permits openness. Devotion is a picnic on a pleasantly warm day. You don’t always get them, but you sure do need them. This goes beyond survival, this is the type of loyalty that relationships need to bloom. It isn’t business, it's pleasure.
Quick Story
I have a brother who lives in Illinois, over the years I’ve spent a lot of time in Chicago. One sunny summer day my brother and I walked on those large city sidewalks, just talking about whatever came to mind. It was a leisure stroll. All of a sudden, we went from walking to sprinting. We weren’t running, that doesn’t give the transition justice. My brother and I were objectively fast and we were sprinting full tilt down a city sidewalk.
I don’t know what happened, I only know he started it. I didn’t ask him what we were doing, I just sprinted with him. It was automatic. I definitely thought ‘why are we running’, but I didn’t slow down. I stayed with him stride for stride. That’s devotion, devotion is the no questions asked sprint.
I’ll explain in a later post why we were sprinting and how that sprint ended. We weren’t running away from something, we ran toward something.
How do your relationships feel? Do you want to make a change?
A Few Ways to get to Devotion
Partnerships
How can you build devotion in your partnership? Some of the rituals in our house:
Love poems
Notes
Massages
Couple showers
Walks
Lunch dates
Family
How can you build devotion in your familial relationships? Some of the traditions in our house:
Movies
Walks
Sports
Painting
Puzzles
Board games
How many rituals or traditions do you have in your life?
Can you find ways to cultivate devotion in your relationships? There are low maintenance methods that will make your relationships fun, warm, exciting, and more resilient. Experiment with some of them and see if you can feel a difference.
Reflections
In 2024:
Are there any relationships in your life that would benefit from some devotion?
Are there any new partnership rituals you’d like to use to build devotion?
Are there any new family traditions you’d like to incorporate to build devotion?