The Words We Use
Something to consider...
Have you noticed, we all say the same things over and over again? If you live with someone, just ask them to make a list of your go to phrases. If you live alone, leave a recorder on. I found one on Amazon that has a battery life of 71 days, you’ll forget it’s on after about 3. If you have children, just listen to them speak. We need reminding,because we stopped paying attention long ago.
Hearing your words echoed back to you can be both frightening and fascinating, because the words we use communicate more than we intend. What are you communicating? Most of us are communicating emotional weightiness. The weightiness we feel all around us, all the time. Like someone has draped a 1,000 weighted blanket across our back. We’re always looking for a way to shed it, that’s why inspiration is so popular, it removes the weight.
The inspiration “industry” is worth trillions of dollars, and seems to be growing larger year over year. Social media is dripping in inspiration because we all need it, so we made the internet ‘Inspiration HQ’. Yes, it’s been commercialized, but when we need it, we don’t mind paying for it.
There’s nothing wrong with this model. But how much more potent would our inspiration be if we made it a larger part of our everyday, in-person experiences. Are we full of cynicism, criticism, and indifference? If you aren’t sure, listen to that recorder, hear what your children are saying, or ask whoever you live with about your go to phrases.
Over time, emotional weightiness becomes destructive, because weight is limiting. Society limits us enough, let us not pile on.
Are your social circles full of destructive communication cycles, or are they weight free environments?
These weighty words are personal to everyone. Growing up I despised being called an idiot, or a cheat, and I didn’t despise it in a quiet, reserved, kind of way (let’s fight). I don’t know why, when I heard them I felt incapable. My rage was my resistance to the weight.
So, it’s also important to learn what words trigger the people you interact with and be more intentional. If you’re going to be weighty, at least do it with some integrity, you know?
We can introduce words and phrases into our daily communications. Drop the old ones, and make some new ones. Here are some phrases I often communicate to my children:
Embrace discomfort - This will increase the odds you’ll remain deliberate in spite of your circumstances
“The things you own, end up owning you.” - Fight Club is one of my favorite movies. I ask my children to tell me what this means. I haven’t been satisfied with an answer yet. We go over it regularly.
What was the best part and worst part of your day? - I believe “how was your day?”, is a lazy question. Lazy questions, get lazy answers.
What do you need? - We all have temper tantrums, children just have louder ones, usually. This question is thought provoking, sometimes it gets asked a lot. But eventually, they arrive at a solution.
My friend introduced me to Nonviolent Communication (Rosenberg,2003). It's a great book, it jump started important changes in the way I communicate.
What are some flagged weighty words in your home or social circles?
What are some phrases you repeat often and with a purpose?
First of all, a recorder in my house wouldn't capture much. I live alone. All I say all day long is "You're the best...." talking to my dog lol.
As far as trigger words, you're right...people need to read the room and learn their audiences before using questionable words or phrases. The word junkie is a huge trigger to me. Or using the word crackhead in a joking way. To some of us, it's not a joke because we've watched people destroy themselves through addiction.
Stupid, that’s definitely one of my trigger words